Living by a List: How I Missed So Much Not Learning to Live in the Moment as a Dad

Living by a List: How I Missed So Much Not Learning to Live in the Moment as a Dad

For as long as I can remember, I’ve been a list maker. You know the type: the kind of person who plans everything down to the last detail, who thrives on the satisfaction of checking off tasks, and who believes that productivity is the ultimate goal. Lists have always been my compass, guiding me through the chaos of life with a sense of control and purpose. But it wasn’t until I became a dad that I realized how much I was missing by living my life this way.

In my early years of fatherhood, I approached parenting much like I did everything else—with a plan. I had a list for everything: a list of milestones, a list of activities, a list of goals for my child’s development, and, of course, a list of daily tasks that needed to be accomplished. I was determined to be the best dad I could be, and I thought that meant being organized, efficient, and always one step ahead.

But somewhere along the way, amidst all the lists and plans, I lost sight of what really mattered. I was so focused on the future, on what needed to be done next, that I forgot to be present in the moment. And in doing so, I missed out on some of the most beautiful, fleeting experiences that fatherhood has to offer.

The Allure of the List

There’s something undeniably satisfying about making a list. It gives you a sense of control, a clear roadmap for your day or week, and a tangible way to measure your accomplishments. For someone like me, who thrives on structure, lists have always been a source of comfort.

When I became a dad, I leaned even more heavily on my lists. Parenting is unpredictable, and lists gave me a way to bring some order to the chaos. I had lists for everything—feeding schedules, nap times, doctor’s appointments, playdates, and even future plans for my child’s education. I was determined to be prepared for anything that might come our way.

But in my quest for preparedness, I became obsessed with the list itself. It wasn’t just a tool anymore; it was the blueprint for my life. I measured my success as a dad by how many items I could check off each day, by how well I could stick to the plan. And in doing so, I started to lose sight of the very reason I had made those lists in the first place: to be a good dad.

The Cost of Living by a List

At first, my list-driven approach seemed to work. I was on top of everything, my child was hitting all the milestones, and life felt manageable. But as time went on, I started to notice a growing disconnect. Despite all my efforts, something felt off. There was a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that I couldn’t quite shake.

It wasn’t until my child was a little older that I started to see the real cost of living by a list. I noticed that I was always in a rush, always focused on the next task, the next goal, the next step. I rarely took the time to just be with my child, to sit and play without an agenda, to enjoy the simple moments without worrying about what came next.

I remember one particular day when my child asked me to play outside. It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, and there was nothing we had to do. But instead of seizing the opportunity to spend time together, I hesitated. My mind immediately went to the list—there were things that needed to be done, chores that couldn’t wait, tasks that I couldn’t ignore. So, I told my child we’d play later, after I finished everything on my list.

That “later” never came. By the time I was done with my tasks, the moment had passed. My child had moved on to something else, and I had missed out on an opportunity to create a memory that could never be recreated. It was a small, seemingly insignificant moment, but it was a wake-up call for me.

The Moments That Matter

As I began to reflect on my approach to fatherhood, I realized how many moments like that one I had missed. The spontaneous laughter, the impromptu dance parties, the quiet moments of connection—these were the things that truly mattered, and they were slipping through my fingers because I was too busy focusing on the list.

Children live in the moment in a way that adults often forget. They don’t worry about the future, they don’t stress about what needs to be done next—they’re fully present in whatever they’re doing. And as a dad, I had the opportunity to experience that same sense of presence, to see the world through my child’s eyes, if only I could let go of my lists and plans.

But letting go wasn’t easy. The list had become a security blanket, something I relied on to feel in control. It took time, and a lot of conscious effort, to start shifting my mindset. I had to learn to prioritize the moments that mattered over the tasks that seemed urgent. I had to teach myself that it was okay to deviate from the plan, to be spontaneous, and to embrace the unpredictability of fatherhood.

Learning to Live in the Moment

One of the most profound lessons I’ve learned as a dad is the importance of living in the moment. It’s not about abandoning responsibility or ignoring the things that need to be done; it’s about finding a balance between planning and presence. It’s about recognizing that some of the most meaningful experiences in life aren’t planned—they happen in the spaces between the tasks, in the unstructured time, in the moments of connection that you can’t schedule.

I started to make a conscious effort to put the list aside and be fully present with my child. I said yes to more impromptu playtime, I let go of the need to accomplish something every minute of the day, and I allowed myself to just be. And in doing so, I discovered a deeper joy in fatherhood than I had ever known.

I began to notice the little things that I had overlooked before—the way my child’s eyes lit up when we played together, the sound of their laughter, the warmth of their hand in mine. These were the moments that filled my heart, that reminded me why I became a dad in the first place. And they had nothing to do with the list.

The Balance Between Planning and Presence

Now, I’m not saying that lists are inherently bad. They have their place, and they can be incredibly useful in managing the demands of life, especially as a parent. But what I’ve learned is that lists should serve you, not the other way around. They should be a tool, not a master.

As I’ve grown as a dad, I’ve found a new approach that works for me. I still make lists, but I don’t let them dictate my life. I use them to keep track of the essentials, but I also leave room for spontaneity, for the moments that can’t be planned. I’ve learned to embrace the unpredictability of fatherhood, to let go of the need to control everything, and to be open to whatever the day brings.

In doing so, I’ve found a sense of peace that I never had when I was living by the list. I’ve realized that the true joy of fatherhood isn’t in the milestones or the accomplishments; it’s in the journey itself. It’s in the moments of connection, of laughter, of love. And those moments don’t always fit neatly into a plan.

Embracing the Present, Letting Go of the List

If there’s one thing I wish I could go back and tell my younger self, it’s this: don’t let the list run your life. Don’t get so caught up in the future that you forget to live in the present. Your child doesn’t care about how many tasks you’ve checked off or how well you’ve stuck to the plan. They care about your presence, your attention, your love.

Fatherhood is a journey, and it’s one that can’t be fully experienced from behind a list. It’s messy, unpredictable, and full of surprises. But it’s also beautiful, joyous, and deeply rewarding—if you allow yourself to be fully present in it.

So, to all the dads out there who, like me, are list makers by nature: I encourage you to put the list aside every now and then. Let yourself be in the moment, with all its imperfections and unpredictability. Say yes to the impromptu playtime, the spontaneous adventures, the unplanned moments of connection. Because those are the moments that will stay with you long after the list has been forgotten.

And remember, the most important things in life can’t be checked off a list. They’re the moments that happen when you’re fully present, fully engaged, and fully alive in the here and now. Don’t miss them.