How to Work on Your Heart While God Works on Your Kids

Let’s be honest—healing from a complicated ex can feel like trying to untangle a set of Christmas lights from 2007. You pull one part, and suddenly everything else is in knots. It’s frustrating, exhausting, and at times, makes you question your entire life’s decisions. But here’s the good news: God’s got your kids covered, and He’s got a plan for you, too.

When you’re co-parenting (or just trying to exist in the same universe as your ex without breaking into a stress rash), it can feel like all your energy goes into making sure your kids are okay. And while that’s noble, it’s also a great way to avoid dealing with your own heart. So, let’s talk about how you can heal, grow, and thrive while trusting God to take care of the little (and big) humans you love so much.

Step 1: Accept That Healing is a Process (Not a Magic Trick)

Wouldn’t it be nice if healing worked like an Amazon Prime order? Just click “recover from heartbreak” and get overnight shipping? Unfortunately, emotional and spiritual healing takes time. And that’s frustrating, especially when you feel like your ex is moving on with their life while you’re still trying to piece yourself back together.

Here’s the thing: God’s not in a hurry, and He’s not expecting you to be, either. Healing isn’t about speed—it’s about depth. If you rush through it, you’ll end up tripping over the same wounds later on. So take a deep breath, and let God work in His timing.

Step 2: Let God Do His Job (and Stop Trying to Do It for Him)

If you’re a fixer, this one is going to be tough. It’s so easy to worry about how your kids are processing everything. You might find yourself overcompensating—trying to be both parents at once, monitoring their emotions like a security guard at an airport, or constantly praying (read: slightly panicking) about their future.

Here’s the truth: God loves your kids more than you do.

Let that sink in.

He sees their struggles, their hurts, their needs—and He’s got them. Your job is to be a faithful, loving, and present parent. His job is to be God. So instead of carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders, try this:

• Pray instead of panic. When you start spiraling, stop and pray. Even if it’s just, “God, I trust You with my kids.”

• Let go of control. You can’t fix everything. And that’s okay. Your job is to be a parent, not a superhero.

• Trust God’s plan. He’s writing a bigger story than you can see right now.

Step 3: Forgive (Even When You Don’t Feel Like It)

I know, I know—this one feels impossible. Forgiveness can feel like giving your ex a “Get Out of Jail Free” card, but that’s not what it is. Forgiveness isn’t for them—it’s for you.

Unforgiveness is like drinking expired milk every morning and wondering why you feel sick. It poisons you, not them. When you hold onto bitterness, it takes up space in your heart that could be filled with peace, joy, and maybe even the ability to enjoy a rom-com without rolling your eyes.

Does this mean you have to pretend everything is fine? Nope. Does it mean you let them walk all over you? Absolutely not. It just means you’re choosing not to let their actions define your future.

Start small:

• Pray for them. (I know. Ugh. But trust me.)

• Ask God to soften your heart.

• Remind yourself that forgiveness is a process. It’s okay if it doesn’t happen overnight.

Step 4: Take Care of Yourself (Because No One Else Can Do It for You)

You can’t pour from an empty cup. If you’re running on stress, exhaustion, and cold coffee, you’re not going to be the parent (or person) you want to be.

Self-care isn’t selfish—it’s survival.

• Find a hobby. Something that has nothing to do with your ex or your kids. (Yes, you’re still allowed to have a life.)

• Move your body. Exercise, go for walks, dance in your kitchen—just get those endorphins flowing.

• Laugh. Watch a funny movie, listen to a stand-up comedian, or hang out with people who make you snort-laugh.

• Spend time with God. Read scripture, journal, or just sit in silence and let Him fill you back up.

Step 5: Surround Yourself with the Right People

Your support system matters. Find friends who encourage you, hold you accountable, and remind you that your best days aren’t behind you.

• Avoid the Bitter Brigade. If your inner circle is full of people who just want to bash their exes and stir up drama, you might need to take a step back.

• Find wise counsel. A pastor, mentor, or therapist can help you process your emotions in a healthy way.

• Lean into community. Whether it’s a church group, a book club, or a fantasy football league, find people who make life richer.

Step 6: Keep Perspective (This Season Won’t Last Forever)

Right now, it might feel like you’ll be stuck in the chaos of co-parenting and emotional rollercoasters forever. But seasons change. Your kids will grow. Your heart will heal. And one day, you’ll look back and realize you’re stronger, wiser, and more at peace than you ever thought possible.

In the meantime, trust that God is working in ways you can’t see. He’s healing your heart. He’s shaping your kids. And He’s writing a story that is far bigger than the pain of your past.

So take a deep breath. Keep moving forward. And remember: you’re not alone in this. God’s got you, and He’s got your kids. And that’s a pretty solid team to have on your side.