How Do I Handle a Narcissist Ex Without Losing My Mind?

If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist ex, you know it’s like being in an emotional escape room that you never actually signed up for. No matter what you do, they always seem to have the upper hand, twisting reality like a professional contortionist. If you’re co-parenting, it can feel even worse—like they have a VIP pass to your stress levels at all times.

But don’t worry. You’re not alone, and you’re not crazy. (Even if your ex would like you to believe otherwise.) You can heal, you can maintain your peace, and you can keep your sense of humor intact while doing it. Let’s talk about how to handle a narcissistic ex without losing your sanity.

Step 1: Accept That You Will Never Win (And That’s Okay)

Here’s a hard truth: You will never win against a narcissist in their own game. They thrive on control, manipulation, and drama. Their superpower is making you doubt yourself while making themselves look like the hero (or the victim) in every scenario.

So instead of trying to prove your point, change their mind, or get them to admit fault (ha!), let it go. Winning isn’t about proving you’re right—it’s about reclaiming your peace. And that’s a battle you can win.

Step 2: Master the Art of the Grey Rock

If you’ve never heard of the “grey rock” method, prepare for your new best friend. The idea is simple: Narcissists thrive on emotional reactions, so stop giving them any.

• Keep responses neutral, short, and boring.

• No long explanations, no defending yourself, and definitely no emotional reactions.

• If they send a dramatic text, respond with: “Okay.”

• If they try to provoke you, pretend they just told you the weather forecast: “Noted.”

• The less interesting you are to them, the less power they have over you.

Step 3: Set Boundaries Like Your Sanity Depends on It (Because It Does)

A narcissist will push every boundary you set—so you need to make them ironclad.

• Use Written Communication Whenever Possible: Texts, emails, or co-parenting apps keep things clear and provide a paper trail.

• Keep Conversations Focused on the Kids: If they try to steer the conversation into personal attacks, don’t engage.

• Limit Contact: If you don’t need to talk to them, don’t. Less contact = less stress.

• Don’t Fall for Fake Niceness: Sometimes they’ll act charming just to pull you back into their web. Stay on guard.

Step 4: Stop Explaining Yourself

One of the narcissist’s favorite games is the “perpetual argument.” No matter what you say, they’ll twist it, challenge it, or make you feel like you have to explain yourself again.

Spoiler alert: You don’t.

They aren’t actually interested in understanding your point. They’re just interested in keeping you hooked. The best move? Stop playing.

• “That doesn’t work for me.”

• “I’m not discussing this further.”

• “We will stick to the agreed schedule.”

That’s it. No more energy wasted on trying to get them to “see the light.” They won’t. And that’s not your problem.

Step 5: Heal Your Own Wounds

If you were in a relationship with a narcissist, chances are you have some emotional wounds that need attention. Maybe you feel like you were never good enough. Maybe you’ve been gaslit into questioning your own reality. Maybe you’re just exhausted. Healing takes time, but here are some good places to start:

• Therapy. A good therapist can help you untangle the mental knots left behind.

• Journaling. Write down your thoughts, experiences, and reminders of what’s true (not what they made you believe).

• Faith. If you’re a believer, remember that your identity comes from God, not your ex’s distorted version of you.

• Self-care. You deserve peace, joy, and some really good coffee. Take care of yourself.

Step 6: Build a Support System That Gets It

Not everyone will understand what it’s like to deal with a narcissist. Some people might say, “Just be the bigger person,” or “I’m sure they don’t mean it like that.” Bless their hearts, but they don’t get it.

Find people who do—friends, support groups, a wise mentor. People who remind you of the truth when your ex is trying to warp it. People who can validate your experience without feeding your anger.

Step 7: Focus on Your Own Growth

The best revenge? Living well.

• Work on your own healing and happiness.

• Build the life you’ve always wanted.

• Be the stable, loving, drama-free parent your kids need.

Every time your ex tries to drag you into chaos, remember: You don’t live there anymore. You’ve moved on to bigger and better things.

Step 8: Pray for Them (Yes, Really)

I know. I know. The last thing you want to do is pray for your narcissistic ex. But hear me out:

• Praying for them doesn’t mean you excuse their behavior.

• It doesn’t mean you want to be best friends.

• It doesn’t even mean you like them.

It just means you’re releasing them to God instead of carrying the weight of resentment. Because carrying that around? That’s what actually steals your peace.

Final Thoughts: You’re Stronger Than You Think

Handling a narcissist ex isn’t easy. But you’re not powerless. You’re not crazy. And you’re definitely not alone.

Keep your boundaries strong. Keep your peace sacred. Keep your eyes on healing, not on their next move.

Because while they’re busy playing their games, you’ll be too busy living your best, most drama-free life. And that? That’s the real win.